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Beauty Must Suffer

by Joshua Starmer

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1.
A New Song 03:37
Does she remember when they first met The ground was wet the sky was dark and grey Ankle boots with a long dress A rubber band wrapped around her wrist She hummed a tune and he fell in love Fell to quickly he remembers that day A long walk on a forest trail Hand in hand they sang as one He brushed a strand of hair from her face Touched her lips raindrops kissed the leaves He took a step back looked in her eyes She smiled at him he remembers that day. Underneath a sheltering sky you learned a new song In the blink of an eye you had to move on Deep wounds take time to heal He has a scar he keeps it out of view Sometimes he tries to trick himself Other times he knows he sings alone When it rains he starts to cry He fell too hard he remembers that day Underneath a sheltering sky you learned a new song And in the blink of an eye you had to move on Looking back on your life, you said it seemed so long Watch a full moon rise, you counted all wrong.
2.
Mr. Hattie 03:05
Hey Mr. Hattie Are you sailing off today? Sailing far away? (sailing off today) Hey Mr. Hattie Will you think of me when you’re gone? Think of me with this song (when you’re gone) Hey Mr. Hattie Will you be coming back this way? Come back to stay? No don’t go You leave me all alone Hey Mr. Hattie You say the world’s gone insane And our home could never change (the world’s gone insane) Hey Mr. Hattie Is it really all the bad? Do we have to burn the land? Hey Mr. Hattie Do you really have to go? I wish you’d tell me no (do you really have to go?) Hey Mr. Hattie I hear the seas are turning mean And sailing’s not for me
3.
The Rainbow 03:33
4.
Evil Genius 02:55
Super hero in a cape always seems to know when he’s needed Saves the day saves the girl saves the world makes it free from crime Never shy never coy always knows just what to say He’s strong he’s brave always seems to leave at right time No, that’s not me But it sounds like a pretty good story Soon you’ll see That everything I do is so boring Evil genius evil man got a plan to destroy the entire world Fancy car fancy clothes made his way through a life of crime Got cash got guns got a girl clinging to his arm Does the deed gets away always seems to leave at the right time No, that’s not me But it sounds like a pretty good story Watch and you’ll see You’ll be halfway through my movie and snoring I’m just an extra in my life
5.
I can’t explain it everything seems like it’s OK But I’ve got a feeling something bad is on its way A darker emotion, a mix of fear and shame as one It weighs like an anchor. I cannot hide I cannot run I only wish I were stronger I’d cut my heart from my sleeve I’d fall apart on the inside While I watched it bleed I only ask for forgiveness And a chance to forget When every single decision Is the sum of regrets The simplest method seems to keep me in the light I keep myself busy. I never rest I always fight But I can’t sustain it. Everyone needs to take a break And that’s when it happens. These memories will never wait I feel my eyes fill with tear drops But I can’t seem to cry I’m being crushed by a sadness And I don’t know why Escape from the darkness that closes in with a soft caress It asks me to linger. I bend to its will, this I confess It whispers a promise: A candied lie that I believe But I should know better. It hurts to stay why don’t I leave?
6.
He could carry a tune So he thought that he would try to be a rockstar He worked to late at night He played his music even later at the back bar But that wasn’t enough He did his best but he still didn’t get far Show me what you can do Show me something that’s new Don’t be afraid of your dark side baby Let’s just see where it goes Through the highs and the lows Don’t be afraid of your dark side He moved from town to town He always wanted change to come from the outside He never really unpacked He said he worried about the waves during high tide There’s no settling down When you chase a dream that sure knows how to hide Show me what you’ve got I might like it, might not Don’t be afraid of your dark side baby Let’s just see where it goes Through the highs and the lows Don’t be afraid of your dark side I know this man He’s looking back at me He sees what I can’t see He sees what I can’t see He said he’s still holding on But every year he feels his fingers slip a little more The bills keep ringing the bell While his money sneaks away through the back door It’s not like when he was young He spent his pennies on the music in the record store
7.
Brothers 03:25
It was long ago There used to be a place right here. Right where we stand It was a place to go My brothers, we would stop and talk And watch the cars go by A different place a different time With a different state of mind You wonder where it goes With the passing days A different sun a different moon A different cloudy afternoon You can never know How your life will change Do you remember when We used to joke to pass the time Right where we stand On our way back home We’d stop for just a little while And watch the cars go by Now the grasses grow An empty lot is all that’s here Right where we stand A time has come and gone Just like the creek that runs below While the cars pass by
8.
The bossman, took me to the side He said “There’s no good way to say what I must say To say what I must say” So I went to my desk and packed it all away I packed up my life and put it in a box I put it in a box. Then I walked to the door. Time to say goodbye. One last walk through and nothing else has changed Nothing else has changed Then I heard a voice call. Calling out my name. “Before you leave here, there’s one last thing to say One last thing to say” “I thought that you would want to know That every one took a vote You’re employee You’re employee of the week”
9.
I'm Alive 03:28
Sometimes I tell myself I’m gonna be OK I’m gonna be just fine These days I’m not too sure that the pain’s gonna leave Anymore One day, the cost to repair’s gonna be too much More than the cost to replace I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive. My eyes went bad way back when I was a kid Long ago These days when something breaks everything falls apart All at once I’m scared I’ve got 40 years to look back and know I was strong One day this will seem so small compared to the pain Of just keeping on Sometimes I tell myself I’m gonna be OK I’m gonna be just fine
10.
Each morning my heart breaks in pieces And each night you pick them all up and you put them back together This life I can’t imagine without you This meaning that you give all I do. You make it all real inside. Oh, this love moves fast and slow While the years pass us, it continues to grow Oh, what little did I know how I’d feel for you today. I mean it, each word that I sing But I can’t describe all the feelings, the feelings I have inside. Oh, you whisper soft and low Your hand in mine in the evening glow Oh, what little did I know how I’d feel for you tonight.
11.
Snow 02:54
Snow falls down white on the ground The road goes on, but it’s hard to see now I’m going home I’m going home I’m going home to you Late at night headlights lead the way Streaks of white blur the view Almost there, the butterflies have awoke One last mile to watch the snowflakes fall
12.
13.
Hello 01:42
Hello, it’s so good to meet you Today is the first day of the rest of our lives. You know, I was worried that I wouldn’t know what to do When I first laid my eyes on you. But you made it easy and I did what felt right I held you close and I held you tight. Now I wonder how I lived without you You bring you so much joy Now I wonder what tomorrow may bring As I watch you grow each day

about

This is my 5th album, consisting of songs 49 through 60 from my "song of the month" project that I started in January, 2013. It also contains a bonus track, because it's always nice to get a bonus.

credits

released March 7, 2018

Miriam Chicurel-Bayard helped with the singing. Robert Cantrell helped with the drumming. Brian Risk helped with the guitar strumming and bass grooving. Dean Herrington helped with the clarinet tooting. David Diguiseppe helped by squeezing the accordion and strumming the mandolin. Hank Marr helped the upright bass plucking, and all kinds of folks helped me out with the craziness that takes place during "She Blinded Me With Science". Without them, this album wouldn't be half of what is is.

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Joshua Starmer Chapel Hill, North Carolina

A native of Chapel Hill, North Carolina, Joshua Starmer is a cellist, composer, and singer whose eclectic sound recalls the string-led pop of Andrew Bird and the quirky compositions of the Penguin Cafe Orchestra, both of whom he cites as influences. A cellist since the age of seven, Starmer eventually wove himself into the fabric of North Carolina's vibrant music scene. ~ Timothy Monger ... more

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